Tiga "Shoes" from AlexandLiane on Vimeo.
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07 January 2010 @ 02:56 pm
06 January 2010 @ 11:36 pm
02 January 2010 @ 10:55 pm
i got a car ! it is a little black 1991 volvo. she is a mini tank.
i also trained in photo developing today. all i have to say is LAWL. we have to look through the photos before they are printed to make sure there is no child pr0n being developed ect. and there was this roll of film that had a bunch of pictures of jesus/the holy land experience or something and then there was a picture right after of this whale of a woman with her shirt up and boobies out. her nips were the size of coffee mugs. apparently there is a box of photos that have never been picked up, some are from 5 years ago. my target goal is to find the box and open it.
i also trained in photo developing today. all i have to say is LAWL. we have to look through the photos before they are printed to make sure there is no child pr0n being developed ect. and there was this roll of film that had a bunch of pictures of jesus/the holy land experience or something and then there was a picture right after of this whale of a woman with her shirt up and boobies out. her nips were the size of coffee mugs. apparently there is a box of photos that have never been picked up, some are from 5 years ago. my target goal is to find the box and open it.
01 January 2010 @ 01:21 pm
Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts, and we've got to find other ways to make it alone. Keep a straight face. And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk.
Well, you are the only exception.
And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.
But darling, you are the only exception.
Well, you are the only exception.
And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.
But darling, you are the only exception.
31 December 2009 @ 01:13 am
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave
can you make it shallow
so that I can feel the rain?
can you make it shallow
so that I can feel the rain?
30 December 2009 @ 11:18 pm
The most beautiful song to me.
Standing here
The old man said to me
"Long before these crowded streets
Here stood my dreaming tree"
Below it he would sit
For hours at a time
Now progress takes away
What forever took to find
Now he's falling hard
He feels the falling dark
How he longs to be
Beneath his dreaming tree
Conquered fear to climb
A moment froze in time
When the girl who first he kissed
Promised him she'd be his
Remembered mother's words
There beneath the tree
"No matter what the world
You'll always be my baby"
Mommy come quick
The dreaming tree has died
The air is growing thick
A fear he cannot hide
The dreaming tree has died
Oh have you no pity
This thing I do
I do not deny it
All through this smile
As crooked as danger
I do not deny
I know in my mind
I would leave you now
If I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk
Can you take pity
I don't ask much
But won't you speak
Please
From the start
She knew she had it made
Easy up 'til then
For sure she'd make the grade
Adorers came in hordes
To lay down in her wake
She gave it all she had
But treasures slowly fade
Now she's falling hard
She feels the fall of dark
How did this fall apart
She drinks to fill it up
A smile of sweetest flowers
Wilted so and soured
Black tears stain the cheeks
That once were so admired
She thinks when she was small
There on her father's knee
How he had promised her
"You'll always be my baby"
"Daddy come quick
The dreaming tree has died
I can't find my way home
There is no place to hide
The dreaming tree has died"
Standing here
The old man said to me
"Long before these crowded streets
Here stood my dreaming tree"
Below it he would sit
For hours at a time
Now progress takes away
What forever took to find
Now he's falling hard
He feels the falling dark
How he longs to be
Beneath his dreaming tree
Conquered fear to climb
A moment froze in time
When the girl who first he kissed
Promised him she'd be his
Remembered mother's words
There beneath the tree
"No matter what the world
You'll always be my baby"
Mommy come quick
The dreaming tree has died
The air is growing thick
A fear he cannot hide
The dreaming tree has died
Oh have you no pity
This thing I do
I do not deny it
All through this smile
As crooked as danger
I do not deny
I know in my mind
I would leave you now
If I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk
Can you take pity
I don't ask much
But won't you speak
Please
From the start
She knew she had it made
Easy up 'til then
For sure she'd make the grade
Adorers came in hordes
To lay down in her wake
She gave it all she had
But treasures slowly fade
Now she's falling hard
She feels the fall of dark
How did this fall apart
She drinks to fill it up
A smile of sweetest flowers
Wilted so and soured
Black tears stain the cheeks
That once were so admired
She thinks when she was small
There on her father's knee
How he had promised her
"You'll always be my baby"
"Daddy come quick
The dreaming tree has died
I can't find my way home
There is no place to hide
The dreaming tree has died"
28 December 2009 @ 12:15 am
2009-
My riding got much steadier and more serious. With a new horse and a new trainer, I improved like never before, and my dream of becoming a world-class rider was stronger than ever.
With a new barn I made a new friend. Her name was Tallia, and she turned out to be the best and worst friend I would ever have.
Our friendship became a sister hood, and with that I had more fun than ever before. 2009 was full of more laughter than any previous year. We would ride all day... breaking to eat at the Horsin' Around deli. We would lay on the grass and watch the clouds. We would clean the tack room while we danced. What I loved most about our friendship is that we didn't have 'highschool fun.' Me and Tallia had the kind of fun you forget about when you grow up. We didn't need to do anything or go anywhere or be with a lot of people. We could make fun out of anything... pure fun. Inside jokes and horsin' around and singing and running. Jumping the jumps on foot, slip n' slide, four wheeling, sharades, old music, latino music, going boating, campfires, glow sticks, riding bareback, racing, going to shows, staying in hotel rooms, stuffing our faces, eating icecream, getting bunny rabbits, and just being with each other. By night we would ride around in the golf cart and drink tons of lemonade and dance in Kathy's tack room. We would steal four wheelers and give extra hay to our horses and then lay down in the ring and watch shooting stars. We'd always see about 10 a night. We felt on top of the world-like nothing could stop us.
On top of Tallia, I met Carlo- my trainer. Apart from being the greatest trainer I ever had, he became my dad. I told him most everything, and I looked up to him with all my heart. I admired his riding skills and his personality. I would joke around with him all day and I loved how I became so close with him. I loved how he thought of me as a promising rider, and trusted me with riding his horses. I know it sounds weird- our relationship. My mom didn't like it because he's young and I loved him. But I didn't love him in a romantic way. Ew. From the bottom of my heart I loved him like a dad. My 28 year old dad and best friend and trainer.
With 2009 also came high school. And of course the theatre department. I had never acted, I always played sports and painted. When I auditioned for the center I had planned on only auditioning for visual art- which I did. But while I was at the center I looked inside the theatre. I remember looking at the blackbox set and just feeling the energy and peaceful-ness that comes with theatre. So I auditioned on a whim. And I made it. So now I had a choice. To everyone else it was a clear one. I was good at art. But in my heart I just knew I wasn't going to be happy. So theatre it was. It brings out a whole other side of me that I never got to show before. And the seniors impressed me so much. It was something to be proud of. Our department and our reputation and our family.
I had a perfect barn family and a perfect theatre family. Home family didn't improve much. We moved five times in 2009, and mom went in and out of depressions. There was one suicide attempt and a lot of fighting. My grandma died and my mom and my aunt had a phsical fight over her death bed in New York. That's how my mom got that huge scar on her side-my aunt bit her because my mom wanted to put my grandma out of her misery and my aunt wouldn't let go. There were a lot of cops this year, and too many tears shed. But within 2009 my middle sister, Adriana started talking to my mom again.. closely followed by Alexandra. I started talking to my dad and eventually my dad and my mom's relationship improved by 8 thousand percent. He even came down for my birthday. I got to see Adriana three times this year, and Alexandra twice. My dad and his wife are going to be new parents... and there went my mom and my dad's relationship. The good thing is our family status is better now than it was in 2008.
I can't cover this year without covering Carly Jackson. It was apparent from day one that we would be friends. Becoming best friend though... in just a few weeks? We only had the first semester together, and then she went to Fort Myers. I regret so much not making the most of the rest of the school year with her here. She moved to England over the summer. I want to explain something. I've had friends move far away, and I've moved far from friends. And you know.. you cry when they leave and after the first couple of weeks you forget about them, unless you see something or hear something that reminds you of them and then you remember again and wish they were there. In words: you miss them. But it's different with Carly. I don't just miss her when I see something that reminds me of her or someone mentions her name. I always miss her. Every day and every night. Like with everything I do there's always a small part of my brain or my heart that's empty or thinking about Carly. Eating or riding or math homework. Always. And I hope it's not creeping anyone out. I'm not obsessed. I think it was that Carly and me were two best friends who really needed eachother, and were always there for eachother. So, for me at least, it's like a part of me is missing all the time.
Sloan also became a best friend. It's not the same friendship as Carly or Tallia's friendship was, the dynamics between us are different, sinse we think so differently... but still a great one. We went on a cruise together- to New York and Canada. Canada made me want to become a wildlife filmer. And New York made me realize how much I hate shoe shopping.
The hardest part of 2009 was losing Tallia and Carlo, and the barn. I just didn't understand how someone who cared about you like a sister or a daughter could just walk out of your life for no real reason. I'm afraid to get any other close friends now... and everything reminds me of the pain I feel. Riding my horse brings back memories of them being in my life. And it honestly aches that they're not any more.
Costa Rica was the most memorable thing that happened, I think. It opened my eyes and made me appreciate nature even more. I became more of an adrenaline junky, hah. It inspired me to learn spanish, and to focus on nature and travel everywhere I could before I died. Really experience the world.
10th grade started and has dragged on. I loved being Stage manager of our musical. Feeling important. I'm taking 10 classes this year, and that's been hard. Spanish online sucks alot. Algebra 2 sucks almost as much. I hate how our acting 2 class is seperated and not how it once was. I hate how the theatre department is slowly losing talent and respect. I hate how I'm not doing much about it. 10th grade didn't bring any possible boys. I'm infatuated with someone I could never have, and that's frushtrating. Musical theatre and Speech are the two things I look foward to during the week and block scheduling is not fun. 10th grade for me is daze like. I've been really bad at keeping up with friends. Krissy and Wil and Alison and Allison and Ali and Bonita and Sean and Gaby and Cassi: I'm sorry I've sucked this year-really.
I don't know what 2010 will bring. All I can hope for is love and happiness.
This has to be the longest livejournal in the history of the world but I really just wanted to re-cap 2009. It's amazing how much can happen in a year, ya know? A picture is worth a thousand words, so here's a few.
My riding got much steadier and more serious. With a new horse and a new trainer, I improved like never before, and my dream of becoming a world-class rider was stronger than ever.
With a new barn I made a new friend. Her name was Tallia, and she turned out to be the best and worst friend I would ever have.
Our friendship became a sister hood, and with that I had more fun than ever before. 2009 was full of more laughter than any previous year. We would ride all day... breaking to eat at the Horsin' Around deli. We would lay on the grass and watch the clouds. We would clean the tack room while we danced. What I loved most about our friendship is that we didn't have 'highschool fun.' Me and Tallia had the kind of fun you forget about when you grow up. We didn't need to do anything or go anywhere or be with a lot of people. We could make fun out of anything... pure fun. Inside jokes and horsin' around and singing and running. Jumping the jumps on foot, slip n' slide, four wheeling, sharades, old music, latino music, going boating, campfires, glow sticks, riding bareback, racing, going to shows, staying in hotel rooms, stuffing our faces, eating icecream, getting bunny rabbits, and just being with each other. By night we would ride around in the golf cart and drink tons of lemonade and dance in Kathy's tack room. We would steal four wheelers and give extra hay to our horses and then lay down in the ring and watch shooting stars. We'd always see about 10 a night. We felt on top of the world-like nothing could stop us.
On top of Tallia, I met Carlo- my trainer. Apart from being the greatest trainer I ever had, he became my dad. I told him most everything, and I looked up to him with all my heart. I admired his riding skills and his personality. I would joke around with him all day and I loved how I became so close with him. I loved how he thought of me as a promising rider, and trusted me with riding his horses. I know it sounds weird- our relationship. My mom didn't like it because he's young and I loved him. But I didn't love him in a romantic way. Ew. From the bottom of my heart I loved him like a dad. My 28 year old dad and best friend and trainer.
With 2009 also came high school. And of course the theatre department. I had never acted, I always played sports and painted. When I auditioned for the center I had planned on only auditioning for visual art- which I did. But while I was at the center I looked inside the theatre. I remember looking at the blackbox set and just feeling the energy and peaceful-ness that comes with theatre. So I auditioned on a whim. And I made it. So now I had a choice. To everyone else it was a clear one. I was good at art. But in my heart I just knew I wasn't going to be happy. So theatre it was. It brings out a whole other side of me that I never got to show before. And the seniors impressed me so much. It was something to be proud of. Our department and our reputation and our family.
I had a perfect barn family and a perfect theatre family. Home family didn't improve much. We moved five times in 2009, and mom went in and out of depressions. There was one suicide attempt and a lot of fighting. My grandma died and my mom and my aunt had a phsical fight over her death bed in New York. That's how my mom got that huge scar on her side-my aunt bit her because my mom wanted to put my grandma out of her misery and my aunt wouldn't let go. There were a lot of cops this year, and too many tears shed. But within 2009 my middle sister, Adriana started talking to my mom again.. closely followed by Alexandra. I started talking to my dad and eventually my dad and my mom's relationship improved by 8 thousand percent. He even came down for my birthday. I got to see Adriana three times this year, and Alexandra twice. My dad and his wife are going to be new parents... and there went my mom and my dad's relationship. The good thing is our family status is better now than it was in 2008.
I can't cover this year without covering Carly Jackson. It was apparent from day one that we would be friends. Becoming best friend though... in just a few weeks? We only had the first semester together, and then she went to Fort Myers. I regret so much not making the most of the rest of the school year with her here. She moved to England over the summer. I want to explain something. I've had friends move far away, and I've moved far from friends. And you know.. you cry when they leave and after the first couple of weeks you forget about them, unless you see something or hear something that reminds you of them and then you remember again and wish they were there. In words: you miss them. But it's different with Carly. I don't just miss her when I see something that reminds me of her or someone mentions her name. I always miss her. Every day and every night. Like with everything I do there's always a small part of my brain or my heart that's empty or thinking about Carly. Eating or riding or math homework. Always. And I hope it's not creeping anyone out. I'm not obsessed. I think it was that Carly and me were two best friends who really needed eachother, and were always there for eachother. So, for me at least, it's like a part of me is missing all the time.
Sloan also became a best friend. It's not the same friendship as Carly or Tallia's friendship was, the dynamics between us are different, sinse we think so differently... but still a great one. We went on a cruise together- to New York and Canada. Canada made me want to become a wildlife filmer. And New York made me realize how much I hate shoe shopping.
The hardest part of 2009 was losing Tallia and Carlo, and the barn. I just didn't understand how someone who cared about you like a sister or a daughter could just walk out of your life for no real reason. I'm afraid to get any other close friends now... and everything reminds me of the pain I feel. Riding my horse brings back memories of them being in my life. And it honestly aches that they're not any more.
Costa Rica was the most memorable thing that happened, I think. It opened my eyes and made me appreciate nature even more. I became more of an adrenaline junky, hah. It inspired me to learn spanish, and to focus on nature and travel everywhere I could before I died. Really experience the world.
10th grade started and has dragged on. I loved being Stage manager of our musical. Feeling important. I'm taking 10 classes this year, and that's been hard. Spanish online sucks alot. Algebra 2 sucks almost as much. I hate how our acting 2 class is seperated and not how it once was. I hate how the theatre department is slowly losing talent and respect. I hate how I'm not doing much about it. 10th grade didn't bring any possible boys. I'm infatuated with someone I could never have, and that's frushtrating. Musical theatre and Speech are the two things I look foward to during the week and block scheduling is not fun. 10th grade for me is daze like. I've been really bad at keeping up with friends. Krissy and Wil and Alison and Allison and Ali and Bonita and Sean and Gaby and Cassi: I'm sorry I've sucked this year-really.
I don't know what 2010 will bring. All I can hope for is love and happiness.
This has to be the longest livejournal in the history of the world but I really just wanted to re-cap 2009. It's amazing how much can happen in a year, ya know? A picture is worth a thousand words, so here's a few.
26 December 2009 @ 12:02 pm
austin got tickets to see ira glass for me for christmas !!!
i want to buy some thick glasses and roofies before i go.
i got him a signed photo of Chris Dane Owens.
\m/
lindsey got me shotglass tic tac toe and chalkboard paint, michael newman {straightedge btw} got me a bottle of vodka and makers mark. the jello shots are in the fridge as we speak. i got a bunch of giftcards and cupcake magic shell. gonna buy brown docs and all the ~native inspired~ fabric they have at wal-mart.
i had a dream last night that i was older with a motorcycle and i had an awesome half sleeve of all of these american animals {wolf, moose, buffalo, salmon, bear}. the only things i consistently like are badass animals and food, and i haven't figured out any food tattoos i really can't live without anymore, so sweet animals it is.
i'm going to start my twin peaks half sleeve when i get my tax return in april. i really do make a lot of money considering it is minumum wage {around 450 every 2 weeks, not working full time} and our rent and utilities are less than 400 so my tax return should be high and i have a lot extra to get it done by ryan mason, who is p expensive but so good. i miss forever tattoo, though :(
i want to buy some thick glasses and roofies before i go.
i got him a signed photo of Chris Dane Owens.
\m/
lindsey got me shotglass tic tac toe and chalkboard paint, michael newman {straightedge btw} got me a bottle of vodka and makers mark. the jello shots are in the fridge as we speak. i got a bunch of giftcards and cupcake magic shell. gonna buy brown docs and all the ~native inspired~ fabric they have at wal-mart.
i had a dream last night that i was older with a motorcycle and i had an awesome half sleeve of all of these american animals {wolf, moose, buffalo, salmon, bear}. the only things i consistently like are badass animals and food, and i haven't figured out any food tattoos i really can't live without anymore, so sweet animals it is.
i'm going to start my twin peaks half sleeve when i get my tax return in april. i really do make a lot of money considering it is minumum wage {around 450 every 2 weeks, not working full time} and our rent and utilities are less than 400 so my tax return should be high and i have a lot extra to get it done by ryan mason, who is p expensive but so good. i miss forever tattoo, though :(
26 December 2009 @ 12:11 am
my life is, honest to god, falling apart one piece at a time. (take my word for it). i feel like somebody cut my body into small parts, taping it up as they went, and now i'm only held together by a small film that is going to break at any minute. i dream about killing myself or running away. i am anxious as shit and everything makes me cry. i have seriously considered leaving town and hitch hiking to god knows where. instead, i pacify myself by sleeping, baking out my car with andrew, and drinking coffee with lauren.
i don't even know how to end this entry, which is just far too coincidental, considering what i've just stated.
all i will say is this: ryan blue.